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Post by ferris patenaude on Mar 10, 2011 13:45:00 GMT -7
kaynic, tom sturridge, student
__________________________________
FULL NAME ferris luc patenaude.
NICKNAMES bueller.
CURRENT AGE twenty-one.
DATE OF BIRTH november twelfth.
HOMETOWN new york, ny.
RELATIONSHIP STATUS single.
MOTHER adeline patenaude (née delacroix), forty-one, former model.
FATHER aloysius patenaude, fifty-seven, oil magnate.
SIBLINGS leandre armand patenaude, twenty-four; hermine ivette patenaude, seventeen; micheline nanette patenaude, seventeen.
CHILDREN none.
PETS eryx, nine, pit bull.
REASON FOR BEING IN NEW YORK born and raised, and now attending columbia university
BEST KEPT SECRETS
1. i'm a writer who can't write worth shit
2. i probably wouldn't save my father's life if i had the chance to
3. as a stupid, naive fifteen-year-old, i once talked a girl into an abortion
4. i enjoy the fact that i'm wasting my parents' money every day
5. i have absolutely no direction or guidance for my future and i like it that way
GROCERY LIST
1. cigarettes
2. beer
3. lunchables
4. ramen
5. papers
MOST RECENT PURCHASES
1. cigarettes
2. beer
3. papers
4. weed
5. two tickets to see The King's Speech
INTERVIEW
"ferris is the most embarrassing of all my children, and by far the most disappointing. the fool does absolutely nothing with his life, and he's a miserable ingrate. i pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for the best education he can possibly get, and he doesn't call, he's horribly unpleasant when we do see him, and he's getting a degree in fucking literature of all things. i honestly don't know what to do with him, i'm just thankful for leandre and the twins."
aloysius patenaude, fifty-seven
"ferris is a great brother and i love him to death. he would literally do anything for micheline and i, and the same goes for lee, although they tend to clash a little bit. he's sweet and sensitive and people tend to walk all over him because he lets them and doesn't really know much better. he's always sort of up in the clouds and his biggest problem is girls, he's powerless against a pretty pair of legs and it always gets him into the worst trouble. i think mom and dad are way too hard on him, but then again, he doesn't really make much effort to play nice with them."
hermine patenaude, seventeen
"i was so in love with ferris back in high school that it hurt just to look at him sometimes, and i know he felt the same way. we had a tumultuous, rocky relationship, always back and forth and on and off and i always felt like i was competing with that stupid bitch acacia, he's always going to be more in love with her than anyone else. ferris tried really hard to be a good boyfriend, and when he was being good he was the best i could ever imagine. he's one for grand romantic gestures and epic dates and holing up somewhere for days together apart from the rest of the world. he just loves too much, too often, and too hard, and he's impossible to hold on to and it breaks my heart to this day. he'll always find some new girl to love as soon as things get a little too complicated."
chloe adams, twenty
"ferris is more talented than he gives himself credit for, but he doesn't really try as hard as he claims to. he's a difficult student to teach because he's so dramatic about everything when it comes to his writing. he likes to beat himself up about having no talent or whatever he likes to complain about, but he just needs to refine his work. he doesn't like to put in that extra effort to edit painstakingly for weeks, he just likes to write something mediocre and think it's the finished product and then lament over how awful it is and how he'll never amount to anything. he has some really incredible ideas, and a beautiful grasp of the English language, he just needs a lot more technical improvement. he also needs to stop spending all of his time smoking so much reefer."
phil baizer, fifty-two
"ferris is just about the best guy i've ever known. he would do anything for me, or for his siblings, or for that evil bitch acacia. he's too good to certain people, and doesn't give a shit about everyone else which is the right way to be if you ask me. he needs to figure his shit out though, he pretty much never does anything but date different women and smoke pot in his apartment. he's going to columbia and doesn't really appreciate it and i don't want to see him fuck everything up the way he intends to."
garth gopin, twenty-one
"what a fucking idiot. honestly that asshole is the most spoiled, overprivileged prick i've ever met. i dated his sister for a while and we never got along, i don't understand how he can just actually not give a shit about anything the way he does. what does he do all day? he literally just sits around and pretends to write and gets stoned. he's a total waste of space."
malcolm kriger, twenty
PERSONAL
but really, i am...
a writer, or I like to call myself one, but I don’t really deserve the designation because I utterly lack anything resembling talent and I generally spend most of my time listening to obscure music, smoking pot, chain smoking my spirits, and “suffering from writer’s block”…all day and night; I kid you not, I’m probably the least productive person alive and it’s pathetic how blatantly I’m wasting my parents’ money going after a degree in literature because I know I won’t make any money this way and there’s no way in hell I’m going to be a teacher. basically, I have no guidance or direction in my life and I like it that way. that’s my comfort zone. It’d be impossible for me to give up on writing though, because I know I should, because the truth of the matter is I really can’t write worth shit. the problem of the matter is that literature, words, sentences; they’re my passion, my obsession, my reason for living. I read more than anything else, and all I want to do is write things worthy to be shelved next to the greatest works I grew up on, but I know somewhere inside me that it’s not going to happen and I’m wasting my parents’ money at school studying it, but what else is new?
as far as relationships go, I’ve probably had hundreds, but that’s because I consider just about everything a relationship. I’m what they call a serial monogamist. I fall in and out of love more easily than anyone I’ve ever met, and even when I’m not in love, I like the companionship of seeing the same girl for a few weeks at a time. I suppose it makes me an awful person how easily I get bored of women though, and how easily a pair of legs can make me forget about the girl still asleep at my place. still, I really am a romantic; I don’t think you can have the passion I have for writing and for words and for books without being a hopeless lonely romantic soul, and for that I appreciate my disposition – it’s really my only hope for some sort of success someday. I love that uncanny ability a woman has to make me doubt that anything I had previously held to be true was but an elaborate fantasy designed to lead me to her someday. my biggest problem with relationships is my nasty habit of starting new ones in the middle of them, I’m not great at goodbyes – you know for a writer sometimes I can be awful at communicating.
what I can’t stand about myself is how I haven’t changed or grown up in any real way, at least none that I can sense… I still enjoy wasting my parents’ money and screwing them over and I still serial date and cheat and lie and get stoned multiple times a day. I’m essentially still thirteen and probably always will be. the one person who fucked me up more than anyone else I’ve ever encountered is acacia perris. if I were less of a liar and knew how to tell the truth, I’d call her up and tell her how much I’ve always loved her and always will, how she haunts me every single day and how letting her leave was the worst mistake I ever made. I’d tell her how she’s the one, the real and true meaning the word was invented for, and how I would do anything and everything to move in with her and marry her and give her my children and basically give up every way of life I’ve ever dreamed of to give that stuck-up bitch everything she’s ever wanted. with the amount of drunk dialing I’ve done and do on a regular basis, it’s quite shocking that this has yet to happen, but there’s a strange force field around acacia perris in my mind. I fucked up so badly that she’s untouchable.
and i live by...
"An artist is a creature driven by demons. He doesn't know why they choose him and he's usually too busy to wonder why." - Faulkner
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