. normalcy

[tomas martin]

i sit quietly upon my bed, my thoughts drifting to all that has happened over the past few days.

despite being back in new york, i feel even more at a loss than i did while in london. here, i have ivy, though, even if i am not too sure how true that statement is now. after all that we've been though, i feel as if this is the last straw, the final conflict to break the camel's back. of course, i don't want this to be the end, but i have no idea what to do any longer. the usual confidence and easy manner have been replaced by a discomfiting unsureness. on one hand, i see no point in continuing with this relationship; on the other, i cannot imagine my life devoid of ivy. she is my guiding light, the reason that i do all that i do, whether for better or for worse.

for the millionth time since learning of the events that had transpired between her and jerome, i feel unease mingled with guilt that i am unable to push to the wayside. it is due to these emotions that i retrieve my mobile from my sweater pocket.

"i'm sorry."

that's all i say when the dial tone ceases, replaced instead by the familiar sound of her lilting voice. i pray that my quiet apology is enough.

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