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Post by tomas martin on Mar 1, 2011 19:07:10 GMT -7
he feels like laughing, although not the typical, joyful laugh you would expect. no, this is another emotion, one that left him with a bitter taste in his mouth. his anger was immense, the all-consuming desire to wreck something beautiful the only thing he could really, truly focus on. a small part which he tried to ignore was aware that he was overreacting, but he couldn't help it. after experiencing all that he had and being involved with all those that he had, even the most fleeting mentions of drugs - legal or not - set his blood boiling. it was a defense mechanism of his, something that kept him just far enough away from the tantalizing substances. if he made sure to extract himself from any conversation or situation concerning such matters, he could prevent himself from succumbing to his weakness. however, this distinct anger was not only for him, but also for ivy. he was completely at a loss concerning her for he could not even begin to fathom the possibility of the beautiful girl abusing medications. it bothered him to no end, drove him mad with anger. after all that he had put her through, had she not learned her lesson? he knew xanax and ambien were a far cry from the hard drugs he had once dealt with, but that didn't matter. he was disappointed, more so than he could have ever imagined he could be with her, and that hurt him in a way that he didn't think was possible. he wanted to trust her, to forgive her and forget what she had done, but how could he when she was making all of the mistakes that he had?
she didn't realize how slippery of a slope she was treading and that killed him above all else.
it wasn't that he was truly worried about her well-being, although he was, but more that he did not want her to lose everything just as he had. having made the choices he did, he had managed to alienate his family, lose the former love of his life, and his child, though the latter was to a lesser extent. he did not want to see the girl's life go to waste like his had - he did not want to have to see the guilt in her eyes, the reliance that would make life harder than anything in the world, the addiction for that sweet release that could only come from the drugs. to have to experience it himself was one thing, but to see the one he loved with his whole heart throw everything away in such a fashion would be unbearable.
again, he knew he was overreacting, but his mind was like a breeding ground for the unorthodox, the unfeasible - for all of the nightmares that plagued the possible future.
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