|
|
Post by caradoc macnair on Mar 16, 2011 17:41:31 GMT -7
lex, claude simonon, visitor
__________________________________
FULL NAME caradoc wynn macnair.
NICKNAMES c, doc, macnair.
CURRENT AGE twenty.
DATE OF BIRTH october twelfth, 1989.
HOMETOWN cornwall, england.
RELATIONSHIP STATUS single.
MOTHER donna macnair (née wells), fifty-two, celebrity psychic, bestselling author.
FATHER cedric macnair, fifty-four, political aide.
SIBLINGS lucille eloise, twenty-three; jackson amory, eighteen.
CHILDREN n/a.
PETS eteocles and polynices, rats, both one.
REASON FOR BEING IN NEW YORK manhattan girls make for efficient fucks.
BEST KEPT SECRETS
1. i was brought up on a diet of deceit.
2. my personal hero? harry wormwood.
3. i really have no patience for people who buy my mum's bullshit.
4. i have this dream i'll marry a woman who dresses in georgian fashion, 24/7.
5. my rats are the only living entities i'm loyal to.
GROCERY LIST
1. ketchup.
2. smoked bacon.
3. fresh basil.
4. rainbow twizzlers.
5. magners irish cider.
MOST RECENT PURCHASES
1. motor oil.
2. mozart: complete violin concertos.
3. paradise flavored condoms.
4. lifesize bieber cutout.
5. raspberry fluff.
INTERVIEW
"caradoc is very much his father's son, that is to say, he's very much my son. as a teen caradoc spent most of his time stomping around the house, bemoaning the disrepute of his family. he played the part of angsty teenager perfectly, a performance that was oscar-worthy. he was full of melodramatic soliloquies on our lost integrity, soliliquies that would be followed inevitably by him storming off to his room where he would play about seventeen hours of video games on a console our blood money bought him. but of course the boy matured, and nowadays he's as crooked as the rest of us. potentially moreso. you must never tell him as much, mind - caradoc is a malleable character, so long as he continues to buy into the myth of his own autonomy."
cedric macnair, fifty-four
"really? you want me to talk about doc? there's not a lot to say... alright, if you're sure. he's my brother, he's twenty, and his main hobby is stealing shit. he's got this idea of himself as an anti-hero, he likes to think he's overcome our shitty parents and gone on to do good. he thinks of himself as a bit of a robin hood figure, essentially. he's got this huge collection of copies of our mum's books, for example, because he once drunkenly swore that every time he saw one being sold, he'd steal a copy. he thinks this is a way of getting at her, he genuinely thinks that! he and lucy are mini-mis of our parents, they're completely delusional to think otherwise."
jackson macnair, brother
"caradoc is full of empty promises. he'll sell you an image of himself that's entirely fictitious, but you'll buy it, you'll buy it because the boy's a born salesman. he jumped from one retail job to another while i was with him, always getting promoted because he outsold his colleagues by a mile. i met him in a bar, and he told me this story about being the prime minister's son. what was i supposed to think, he had the accent! he really was very convincing. of course he admitted it was bullshit after we got together, he told me some other account of his family that i'm now sure was as untrue as the first. he'll be whatever you want him to be, and in return he always gets whatever the fuck it is he wants. if there was ever a person who could sell snow to the eskimos, it's caradoc macnair. "
florence levy, twenty
"doc's one of the best employees we ever had! i have to admit, i had my reservations. after all, who wants a teenage boy selling them make up? but he somehow convinced me to give him a trial run one afternoon, and he outsold even our most accomplished girls. he knew all the right things to say to first catch a customer's interest, and then seal the deal. i really don't know how he managed to have such a high success rate! needless to say i hired him as soon as possible. it was gut-wrenching to find out he'd been swiping money from the tills. that sort of behavior couldn't be overlooked and we had to let him go, even with that talent of his. the girls still miss him - even the ones who weren't here when he was talk about him, he's become something of a retail legend!"
isabella kennedy, forty-eight
"macnair has the coolest parents ever. literally. i used to go round his place for dinner quite a bit, and even as she was dolling out mash potato mrs macnair would start conveying messages from my dead grandma to me! caradoc used to get so worked up by it, that was the best part, we were all really amused by it. doc's a bit like that, takes things far too seriously when that's exactly the rise people are trying to get out of him. he shouldn't give them the satisfaction, myself included! but he's a good guy. when you've known him as long as i have he kinda skips that whole bullshitting you thing and mellows out-- i'm probably one of a handful of people who know what he's actually like, as opposed to what he pretends he's like. the true caradoc? he's chill, and deceptively loyal."
lyle hughes-ellis, twenty-one
"caradoc is my fiancee's younger brother, and i have to say, he was almost a deal breaker. he is not the brother in law you dream of. jackson, the youngest, he's a good kid, goes for pints with me and doesn't talk to me like i'm a piece of shit. but caradoc, caradoc has a god complex like you wouldn't fucking believe. i don't think he's ever addressed me without a sneer on his stupid fucking face. except for once, when he was practically mauling my sister - then he was very flattering about me, going on about what a great bond we had. the audacity! he'll do whatever he wants, whenever he wants. the boy has no interest in anyone but himself, and trust me, he's pretty infatuated with his image. i once heard him telling someone at a family gathering that he was an olympic silver medalist, and to make matters worse, they lapped it up! talk about megalomania."
edmund walter, twenty-four
PERSONAL
but really, i am...
i base my whole identity on this forty-minute conversation i once had with derren brown.
and i live by...
"if you have a faith, it is statistically overwhelmingly likely that it is the same faith as your parents and grandparents had. no doubt soaring cathedrals, stirring music, moving stories and parables, help a bit. but by far the most important variable determining your religion is the accident of birth. the convictions that you so passionately believe would have been a completely different, and largely contradictory, set of convictions, if only you had happened to be born in a different place. epidemiology, not evidence."
[/blockquote] |
|
